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Arms Wide Open

The irony of Your position on that cross
A position of welcome

Arms wide open

Like a parent welcoming a child
A lover welcoming the beloved

Arms wide open

Nailed into a position of Love and Prayer
Beckoning us to come to you

Arms wide open

In life, in death, and for eternity
Telling each of us to come, stay, rest.

Arms wide open

Meant to silence You and put You down
Instead You rose and continue to speak

Arms wide open

There is no place I’d rather be; no place I’d rather find myself
Then there, with You, in You — in those

Arms wide open

Suscipe – St. Ignatius of Loyola

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,a
nd my entire will,
All I have and call my own.
You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours;
do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
that is enough for me. –

See more at: http://www.loyolapress.com/suscipe-prayer-saint-ignatius-of-loyola.htm#sthash.j6kCFP4e.dpuf

Unsure

Unsure what to say
And unsure what to write
Too much pain
And oh so many tears
I want to share with you
Find release in spoken words
But I hesitate
Do you even want me to?
I never thought there would come a day
Where not sharing
With you, my companion on this journey
Is more painful
Than the act of keeping my words
To myself

The Cross

I find myself
Before the cross
Facing Jesus
Asking me
“Cast your burdens onto Me)
I hesitate
One last “Why me?”
And once again
I surrender to
His love and
His will

Out of questions

I came to a point last week
Where I was out of questions
Surrendered to the fact that
There are not always answers
Or that answers come when
You want them too
and not  I
And I finally
Paused
And just like that
You took the time
To ask me
a question
“Can you drink the cup?”

I hope O Lord, I hope.

Watery eyes

It is one of those days
Where the sheer
magnificence
Of the Lord
All that He is
All that He did
All that He does
Just feels so overwhelming
That it brings tears to my eyes
And makes me wonder how I ever deserve
To be loved like this.

“Lilies” by Mary Oliver

I have been thinking
about living
like the lilies
that blow in the fields.

They rise and fall
in the edge of the wind,
and have no shelter
from the tongues of the cattle,

and have no closets or cupboards,
and have no legs.
Still I would like to be
as wonderful

as the old idea.
But if I were a lily
I think I would wait all day
for the green face

of the hummingbird
to touch me.
What I mean is,
could I forget myself

even in those feathery fields?
When Van Gogh
preached to the poor
of coarse he wanted to save someone–

most of all himself.
He wasn’t a lily,
and wandering through the bright fields
only gave him more ideas

it would take his life to solve.
I think I will always be lonely
in this world, where the cattle
graze like a black and white river–

where the vanishing lilies
melt, without protest, on their tongues–
where the hummingbird, whenever there is a fuss,
just rises and floats away.

Total Surrender

Until I stop clinging to all those things that cannot satisfy me anyway, I will never find the peace I desire. Total surrender to God’s will is the only option.

Prayer

The questions about prayer that where there months ago are still there.
Maybe they should be gone by now, answered themselves. But they have not.
I think it’s easy to tell someone to “just pray”
But what if hat person has no idea about prayer?
Only knows those said in church or heard some at mealtime?
Only knows prayers by hearing others pray and tries to – somehow – put what was heard and what was read together to come up with an own way of praying that fills that need to pray. But what if it
doesn’t?
So many unanswered questions
Do you pray mornings and night? What about midday or before falling asleep?
Is there a ritual to it – something that is the same every time? Do you let your mind freely roam or do you have a prayer list? Do words ever fail you? What do you do then?
Do you sit, kneel, prostrate, stand? Do you light a candle? I sometimes do..usually in the evening. I never stand, sometimes sit…but there is an intensity in kneeling that makes me do it more and more. Sometimes I am face down on the floor. Following and inner urge when that happens. Feels strange yet sometimes right. Rare but powerful.
How long do you pray for? What time is long enough, what time is too long?
How do you remember whom to pray for?
Morning prayers? Midday prayers? Evening prayers? Bedtime prayers?
Why does praying seem so difficult? Why do the attempts often leave me feeling empty and frustrated yet it is the one thing that I know I need to do..a lot….a whole lot. I keep trying. Keep doing. Need to.
Why does it feel so incredibly important? Yes, I know, because it is. I know it is. To me it is.
How did you learn to pray? How do you expect me to learn? Just do..I know..just do.
What can block prayers?
What exactly does it mean to pray “in the Spirit”?
How would you define praying without ceasing?
How do you hold your hands? Folded? Open? Open feels right…giving to Him.
How do you empty your mind from distracting thoughts? How do you even start?
How to unblock? How to pray in a way that moves mountains? How to not doubt but believe, absolutely believe, that prayers are answered.
Do you think you have the gift of intercession? How do you know? Does everybody have it or just some?
What is praying…and what is it not?
Do you pray loud or in your mind? Does it matter?
Is writing praying? Reading? Quietly sitting?
Why, Oh why is prayer so hard?

Distracted by Questions

What is it about peaceful silence that scares the human mind into busy-ness?
What are the answers that my mind is trying to run from?
What is it that is hidden inside the salty water welling up in my eyes?
How can I find answers if I am not even sure what the questions are? And yet here I am typing question after question. So many of them running through my head.
How does anybody ever feed that hunger for The Lord? Where does it even come from? When was it born? A long time ago? That Saturday in June last year? At birth? In the womb?
Is it that hunger that left me feeling so restless all these years?
Is there ever a “close enough? A “deep enough”? Any kind of “enough”?
Are there ever worldly words that can truly describe that yearning in its full depth? If there are, I am missing them. Nothing ever seems enough
How can a love feel so amazing and yet leave me thirsting for even more…more…more…
So many times I sit and close my eyes and feel the constant demand “All of you”. What does that mean..all of me? Does God not have it already? What am I holding back?
Where is He leading me?
Who am I in Him?
What is it about His Word that cuts deep into me and that beckons me over and over to return to and find answers? Sometimes obsessively searching for a word, a verse, a paragraph I know is there.
Will I ever feel truly worthy of His love?
Why me?
Will I ever fully unclench those fists and stand before Him with open arms?

Will I ever run out of questions and simply open myself up to His answers?